mitchjet: falling for toronto

this job is getting tough

i mean, it’s not necessarily hard work, (it sure ain’t easy work either), but it’s getting tough just because i’m seeing all these amazing places that i want to become a resident of,
and Toronto has just become the newest city to join the long list of places where i want to spend at least one year of my life before settling back down in Australia and raising a massive brood of multi-national adopted children with the surname Fong-Jolie-Pitt

Toronto has that special feeling to it that i always struggle to be able to put into words – admittedly it wasn’t the same special feeling that i feel in my other favourite cities, in fact none of those cities feel that same, but what all those cities share is my inability to concisely sum up exactly what it is about them that i love – they render me speechless, each in different ways, but that overwhelming feeling is impossible to ignore and is no longer an unfamiliar emotion

on the weekend that i was in Toronto, i had originally planned to go visit my friend Jesse Dee, at his parents place three hours out of Toronto, to have a real Canadian experience – but a delay on my aircraft meant that i missed the last train out of Toronto
my heart sank, and the once-appealing idea of Niagara Falls seemed to be a poor consolation prize indeed

the idea may have been a poor prize, but the actual Niagara Falls couldn’t have impressed me more!
the Falls absolutely blew me away, and almost literally blew me away too, after coming perilously close to the bottom of the Falls whilst riding The Maid of the Mist, the boat that takes you so close to the Falls that you disappear from the view of any spectators who may be above you watching the action

i was determined to see these Falls from every possible angle: from below, on a boat; at street level watching the water pour over the edge; and my favourite of all: from the seat of a helicopter, with a breath-taking view of the Falls and the waters leading into and away from them!!

i learnt that the first person to go over the Falls in a barrel (there’s varying reports saying how many people have actually gone over the Falls, but fifteen is a rough count) was a female retired school teacher. Aged sixty-three. She thought it was a good idea to take her cat along for the ride. Teacher survived. Kitty didn’t.

the fine for going over the Falls is only CA$2000, so if anyone has a death wish and a few grand to spare, what a perfect and cheap way to get your name in the papers?!
just leave your cat at home, please...

my adventures in Toronto:
dinner is with the crew at restaurant/bar called “Jack Astor’s” with it’s ingeniously clever ‘on-the-blink’ neon sign . then it’s next door for a drink at The Loose Moose – though i have no desire to personally meet the creature after which this bar was named . the next day, our tour kicks off nice and early, and first stop is a quaint little town called Niagara-On-The-Lake, a picturesque place that weirdly reminded me out some country towns in New South Wales, Australia – kindly like Stroud but the locals had twangy nasal accents . then off to the heliport to board the, uh, the...hmmm i could’ve sworn our helicopter had some cool nickname, but i can’t see it in any of my photos and my memory is not what it used to be...just pretend it had some rockin’ nickname like Chuck’s Chopper (which is probably exactly what Chuck Norris would name his chopper if he had one, but he probably wouldn’t need a chopper cos he’s awesome enough as it is) . lunch is at the Sheraton Niagara Falls all-you-can-eat buffet, where i proceed to once again take the term "all-you-can-eat" a little too literally, and start to question if it’s such a good idea to ride a boat to the bottom of a gargantuan waterfall on such a full stomach . initially scoff at the idea of wearing a plastic poncho to keep you dry -– i mean, if you’re gonna ride The Maid of the Mist, how about we FEEL THE MIST PEOPLE! but after seeing some poor drenched folks disembarking the boat as you’re getting on it, decide that maybe you don’t wanna spend the rest of the day in your wet jocks – poncho goes on . after the falls, it’s over to the wine country to sample some of Toronto’s famous ice wine – wine that’s made from grapes that have grown in such cold temperatures that the grapes have actually frozen solid on the vine, and then squeezed while still frozen – it takes about forty times the normal amount of grapes to make one bottle of ice wine, and i mean i’m no connoisseur, but that shit was good! – (wow, i don’t think i need to actually highlight the fact that i’m not a connoisseur if my opinion of a wine is as eloquent as “that shit is good!”) . that night, i’m off to sample to local wildlife, in a club called Fly – a club who just happens to be hosting a night showcasing what seems to be every madonna track every produced – and i mean don’t get me wrong, you know i love me some madonna, but after that night, i’ll be happy if the next time i hear one of her songs is when i’ve got grey hair and putting my dentures in a glass of water on my bedside table before turning off the light . my last day in Toronto was spent strolling down King Street (or was it Queen Street, my memory really is fading) browsing in the shops and contemplating grand ideas for spontaneous tattoos that will never eventuate, and considering purchases of items that i don’t now nor will i ever need – but like that ever stopped me before, cos let’s face it: i’ve never met a credit limit i couldn’t exceed!

here are the photos: